another moral hangover. fuck.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
