I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
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He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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