i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
