Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize