I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize