I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
