I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
