Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
