I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
