u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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