I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
