dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
