every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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