the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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