I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
