If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you inspire me to be a worse person
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
