just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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