Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
