508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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