just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
