Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
