we have officially lost it.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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