My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
