Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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