Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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