Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
