Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Where is the hickey?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
