so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
