You really coming over, don't trick.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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