Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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