I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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