dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
