And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
