My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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