Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This baby is an asshole
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
