Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
