if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
