I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
