it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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