Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
