16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
