Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
