You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
