I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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