Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
