Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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