Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
