my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
