I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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