Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
