captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
