the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
