There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
