When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
