We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
