never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
