I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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