so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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