Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
