she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
