pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
