Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
