He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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