He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
