how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
40s are totally the cure
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
