weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
